Season Parallel Development - 45. A Big Arsenal

The air was deathly still when Sam & Max reached the Statue of Liberty, and barely a sound could be heard, save the labored breathing of the freelance police.

“Well, that took… longer than expected…” wheezed Sam.

Max’s eyes darted this way and that, hoping to find any sign of the plotting reptiles.  “Do you see them, Sam?”

“No, they certainly… haven’t made themselves known yet… but knowing that they’ve already lost a battle to you… I’d expect them to be kind of gun shy.”

“Geez, you carry on a long-term relationship with a firearm and then you start acting stand-offish.  At some point, they’re gonna start complaining that those two never call.”

“You crack me up, little—balancing bullfrogs babysitting a bespectacled baby in Bolivia!”

“They’re here again??” Max turned around, and, seeing nothing, turned back to Sam.  Then he noticed why Sam had gone on a trail of alliterative non-sequiturs.  “Oh.”  His face fell flat.  “It’s… you.”

The figure chuckled.  “And I have you two to thank for helping me get my body back.  Seriously, if you guys hadn’t become involved, this probably would’ve taken a lot longer than it did.  So, thank you.”

“You’re—wait a second.  You have some of the Gear of Guidance with you, don’t you??” Sam growled.

“Oh, you mean this?”  Slowly and gracefully, Evan pulled a smallish item out of his fanny pack.  “Prepare to be astonished.”  He flicked it open.

There was even more silence in the air as Sam & Max stood there, a bit dumbfounded by the lackluster display.  “It’s… a pocketknife?” Max said.

“That’s exactly it.”

“What is it?  I mean, what specifically is it?” asked Sam, trying to not elicit any smart aleck-y answers from either Evan or Max.

“It’s the Never-dull Utility Knife.  Can cut through just about any surface imaginable.”  He gave it a few swings as though he was dispatching inconvenient enemies and rogue paneling.

“What good’s a puny little knife if the blade doesn’t have much of a reach?”

“And if it can’t block bullets?” Max said, his Luger now in his left hand.  BANG BANG BANG!!  He let a few bullets fly toward the reptilian offender.

There was nothing but the sound of metal pellets hitting the ground as Sam & Max watched with a strange combination of horror and awe.  Right before their eyes, the knife had grown exponentially to a fairly large, electrified blade, drawing the bullets in and slicing them in half.  Evan stood up and smugly wiped where his nose would be.

“Max,” said Sam, reaching into his inventory.  He pulled out the camping television and handed it to his companion.  “I need something to fight this guy with.”

“Got it.”  The lagomorph put the television away and rummaged through his own inventory until he found something.  “Ah-ha, here you go, Sam.  This has got to be the perfect weapon.”  Stepping back, he tossed it to his friend.

As per usual, Sam was knocked to the ground.

“Does… that happen all the time?” Evan asked, a strange look on his face.

“More or less,” replied Max, shrugging.

Sam picked himself up and took a look at what gift Max had bestowed unto him.  It was… “A set of two frying pans?”

“They’re great as offensive weapons!”

“Max, to you, anything is an offensive weapon.”

“That’s because I think outside the box.  And now that they’re outside the inventory box, you should use them.”

“Well, all right.”  Sam held them both aloft, but instead of what he was expecting (which, to be completely honest, was nothing), the pans crackled with electricity and began expanding.  His left hand’s pan began covering his arm, guarding it with little metal and Teflon squares.  The rest of him was soon covered by it, a tough black set of armor.  In his right hand, the pan expanded to become a large shield that looked remarkably similar to its starting state, just much, much larger.

Evan rolled his eyes.  “So you guys have the Omniscient Eye and the Pans of Protection.  Big deal.”

“We’ve got more than that, you big jerk,” Max started.  “In fact, we’ve got the whole collection at our disposal!  Well, save for what you’ve got… but we’ve clearly got a bigger arsenal than you.  You’ve just got a big a—”

“Max, step back.  I’m going to end this here and now.”

“Need anything else?”

Sam shook his head.  “This should do it.”

Max took a few steps back as Sam charged forward.